Must Be Nice

Ever wake up to the annoying sound of your alarm saying, "I don't want to go to work today, tomorrow or ever again"? I remember waking up to that feeling everyday for about a year before I decided to take "break".

In August of 2007, I took a 3 month leave of absence from work. After 3 and 1/2 years, I desperately needed a break from the intensity of my work; the summers spent away from home pulling 19 hour days, weeks of traveling and the emotional investment of supporting a community of adult learners. I spent time traveling, meditating and searching for whatever it was that was going to make my my soul truly happy, not just content. I am happy to report that I had an amazing time backpacking sola through Thailand and Argentina. Although, I haven't exactly found what's going to make my happy, I'm on the way to finding my path. More details about my adventures to come!

It's been six months since my break started and I have not yet returned to work. To make a long story short, my leave of absence, unbeknownst to me, became a termination of employment. I committed almost 4 years to a job that wasn't exactly your 9-5. And now, because of a "miscommunication", I was being told I was no longer employed. The funny thing is I was secretly hoping to return from my travels to find the organization no longer needed me. I've been unhappy at my job for a long time, but was too scared to leave. Each year the money and title became harder and harder to give up. I figured if they let me go I could collect a severance, file for unemployment and then look for another job. I would be golden, right!?

Yeah, no, not so much. Being told I longer had a position, after returning from leave, left me feeling undervalued and disempowered. I felt like a loser. This was my first time not working since the age of 12. Whether it was a summer, weekend, full or part-time job, I was always working. In fact, I fell into an ity bity depression due to my job situation (I no longer had one), living situation (i was almost homeless), and some major cleansing on the relationship front(platonic and romantic). But, no need to worry people I'm all good now. I made a work plan and everything!

I was fortunate enough to have great friends to help me through all of it. While I was calling myself a loser, they were trying to convince me that I was going through a much needed transition. However, to be honest, there were some friends who were straight up haters! I mean, I couldn't believe some of the comments I would hear when I was asked about my leave/work situation.

Some of the top responses were:

1. Must be nice. I wish I could do that, but I can't with my type of job.
2. Must be nice. I couldn't be home all day doing nothing, I would lose my mind.
3. ...you have too much time on your hands. You need to get a job.

Or some other comments made at random moments

1. Damn, your hair is looking nice now-a-days. Must be nice to have a lot of time on your hands
2. So, (long pause) when are you going back to work? (there was a lot tone in that one)
3. Why do you have to go home early? Not like you have get up early to go to work.
4. Well, I need to go. Some of us have to work tomorrow.

I didn't tell many people about my depression, so it's possible to say, they didn't know and wouldn't have made those comments if they did. I'm also not denying that I've been extra sensitive regarding my situation and that I may be reading too much into these comments. Yes, I know this is my baggage and "stuff", but these comments are hurtful and definitely not friendly.

The truth is anyone can take a leave of absence. It's a choice you make that comes with big financial and emotional risks including coming back to find you have NO job or falling into a slump where you begin to doubt your self-worth. I'm not claiming that taking a leave of absence is an easy decision to make. It took me about a year to finally gather up the cojones do it. Not many people are strong enough to take a leave, but trust me, if and when the time is right, you'll know.

In closing, don't hate. I hope you too one day have the cojones to take control of your own life and happiness. And yes, for the record, it's damn nice!